Unlearning “I Am Third”: A New Take on Selflessness, Faith, and Compassion

Unlearning “I Am Third”: A New Take on Selflessness, Faith, and Compassion

When I was a kid, I spent my summers at Kids Across America (KAA) camp—a place that shaped my heart, my faith, and my values. Every summer, without fail, I was honored with the camp’s biggest award: the “I Am Third” award.

It meant God first. Others second. And I am third.

And I carried that mantra with me for years. It was stitched into my identity. It taught me humility, service, and faithfulness. But as I’ve grown older, wiser, and more spiritually grounded, I’ve had to lovingly—and courageously—unlearn part of that message.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe now:

Yes, God is first.
But after God, I am second.
And others come third.

Not out of selfishness. Not out of ego. But out of wisdom.

Because I’ve learned that I can’t pour love, compassion, or grace into others from an empty or imbalanced place. I can’t serve well, parent well, partner well, or lead well if I’m emotionally reactive, spiritually depleted, or physically exhausted.

When I am full, I offer better love.

I respond with power instead of reaction.
I show compassion instead of resentment.
I understand that hurt people hurt people, and I no longer take everything personally.

This shift doesn’t mean abandoning the values I learned at KAA. If anything, it deepens them. Because now, I realize that taking care of myself is not a contradiction to honoring God—it’s a reflection of it.

My healing is holy.

My boundaries are sacred.
My joy, my rest, my self-love—those are acts of devotion too.

I’ve even read reflections that say pouring into yourself is an act of honoring God, because when I show up as my full, whole, radiant self, I’m showing up as the woman God created me to be. Not a watered-down, burnt-out version—but the real me. The powerful me. The peaceful me. The present me.

So no, I’m not throwing away everything I learned from being “third.” That part of my journey is still precious. But I am shifting the order—not to glorify myself, but to protect the vessel God uses.

God first.

I am second.
Others are third.

This is the order that allows me to keep loving, keep leading, and keep giving—without losing myself in the process.

And I think God’s smiling about that.