I Stopped Fixing and Started Listening

On my journey of getting 1% better everyday, I am intentionally reading more. Reading a book about the power of writing goals down, I wrote down the four affirmations I am focused on:

I am a good mother.
I am a good wife.
I am a good friend.
I am a good family member.

Under each one, I listed the qualities that would make someone good in those relationships. And the same word showed up every time: listen.

So naturally, I picked up How to Listen with Intention by Patrick King.

What I didn’t expect was to realize that I’m… not great at listening. Like, objectively bad. Not because I don’t care — actually because I care too much. I’ve always listened from the same frame: How can I help? How can I fix this? What’s the solution?

But most of the time, people aren’t asking for solutions. They’re asking to be witnessed. To be heard without being redirected, corrected, reframed, minimized, or rescued.

That was uncomfortable to admit. Especially because I see myself as thoughtful, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent. But intention and impact are not the same thing. And good listening isn’t about intelligence — it’s about restraint for me.

The book reframed listening as an act of presence, not productivity.

Not:
• “Here’s what you should do.”
• “At least it’s not…”
• “Have you tried…”

But:
• “That sounds really hard.”
• “Tell me more.”
• “That makes sense.”

I learned that real listening means letting someone feel what they feel without rushing them toward resolution — even when I can see the path. Especially when I can see the path.

And honestly? This might be the most humbling personal development lesson I’ve had in a while. Because it turns out being a good mother, wife, friend, and family member isn’t about having the right answers — it’s about being safe enough for people to tell the truth.

I’m practicing now. Pausing longer. Saying less. Resisting the urge to fix. Letting discomfort breathe. Letting people finish. Letting emotions exist without editing them.

It’s harder than it sounds.

But it feels like the right work.