The Parenting Strategies That Are Actually Working for Us

Parenting has been one of the wildest, sweetest, most humbling experiments of my life. I only have a 4- and 6-year-old, so I’m nowhere near “expert” status—far from it. But I’ve gotten a few clear wins, and honestly, I want to share them because parenting can be hard, and when something actually works? I’m shouting it from the rooftops.

First big win: my kids clean their own bathroom. And they do it without fussing. A mom once asked me how I pulled that off, and I realized it’s because I give them agency. I let them know what needs to get done and by when—sometimes by the end of the day, sometimes by a certain hour—but I don’t stand over them demanding they do it right that second. And I let them do it by themselves, I’m not standing over them correcting them. They get to think of the best way to get the job done and do it! My kids like to feel like they have a say. If they think they’re making the choice, everything goes smoother. I’ve learned that for them, timing is everything.

Another win: folding clothes. Now, I won’t pretend they’re leaping for joy when it’s laundry time. There is definitely some fussing, but what helps is sitting down and doing it with them. I handle the hanging and they do the sorting and putting clothes in their drawers. We do it together, and the togetherness takes the edge off.

One thing I’m genuinely proud of is how polite and emotionally aware my boys are becoming. They say please and thank you on their own now, not because we nag them but because we built habits. We kept a tracker for a week where they earned points anytime they said please, thank you, sorry, or even just “okay” when asked to do something they didn’t want to do. That one simple week really stuck. A habit formed. That tiny accountability system created muscle memory.

Now let’s talk allowance. We chose not to do it. I know a lot of parents use allowance to teach their kids the connection between work and money. But that doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to embed capitalism into the practices I use with my kids. A mom told me her kids stopped doing chores altogether when she removed allowance. And I get it—that’s what they were taught. But for us, the framing is different: you live here, and while you live here, you help keep this house clean. That’s community. That’s family. That’s shared responsibility. And instead of assigning tasks, we ask, “What do you think you can do?” That simple question gives them ownership.

Screens are another area where we’re learning together. We limit their screen time, which means my husband and I have to limit ours. Nothing humbles you like telling a kid they can’t watch TV while you’re scrolling Instagram. So the TV stays off most of the time, and I really try not to be on my phone in front of them. A dad in my neighborhood told me he only gets on social media from his computer, not his phone, and I’m seriously considering trying that. Right now, I have 15-minute blockers to stop the endless scroll, but I want to get even better. When me and my husband watch a show, we do it after the kids are sleep (we are still holding to a 7:30pm bedtime and if they take a nap on the weekends it can be 8:30)

And then there’s emotional regulation—the big one. When my kids get upset, I don’t force talking. I tell them to breathe and get space until they’re calm enough to communicate. And when I’m the one feeling frustrated? I try to hand things off to my husband if he’s home. If he’s not, I say it out loud: “Mommy needs space. I’m feeling frustrated or overwhelmed and I need time to think.” I want them to see me take a pause instead of powering through anger. I want them to know it’s okay to step back before you react.

So yes, parenting is a learning journey. I’m sure I’ll adjust a thousand times as they grow. But right now? These are the things that are working for us. The things that make our home feel more grounded, more collaborative, more human. And if anything I’m doing helps another parent find their own little win, then I’m happy to brag a little.