The Unsolicited Advice Giver: A Lesson I Didn’t Know I Needed

There’s a funny thing about advice—it usually comes from a good place. And yet, when it arrives uninvited, it can land all wrong.

I come from a long line of advice givers. The kind of family that can turn a simple observation into a well-meaning life lecture. You say you’re tired, and suddenly you’re being walked through a three-step guide on magnesium, melatonin, and meditation. You say you’ve got a stomachache, and someone’s Googling the benefits of ginger root before you finish your sentence.

So naturally, I’ve inherited that tendency. When I care about someone and see them struggling, my instinct is to fix. To offer solutions. To swoop in with my knowledge like it’s a superhero cape.

One of my best friends was going through something tough, and I immediately leapt into action. I began listing remedies and suggesting changes, layering in studies and natural alternatives, trying to be helpful. She gently tried to redirect the conversation, but I wasn’t hearing her. Finally, she had to say it plainly: “Kristian, I know you are an expert with natural remedies. If I want advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Oof.

It stopped me in my tracks.

At first, I was embarrassed. Then defensive. Then ashamed. But ultimately—grateful.

Grateful that she felt safe enough to tell me the truth. Grateful that I had the clarity to receive it. And grateful that a colleague I confided in, a physician friend, reminded me of something powerful: We can’t push our beliefs onto others, no matter how right or helpful we think we are.

It’s easy to confuse love with fixing. To believe that helping is synonymous with advising. But sometimes, love looks like listening. Like simply being present. Like honoring someone’s ability to navigate their own journey, even if we’d take a different route.

So to my dear friend: I’m sorry I didn’t hear you the first time. I’m sorry I let my desire to help drown out your voice. Thank you for your honesty. You reminded me that people need support on their own terms—not mine.

And to anyone reading who might, like me, be an enthusiastic advice-giver: let this be your gentle nudge. Before you share your solution, ask if it’s welcome. Love doesn’t always need a fix. Sometimes, it just needs to be felt.