Skip to content


Your cart is empty

Article: Cultivating a Better Relationship with Self

Black women

Cultivating a Better Relationship with Self

By: Rasheedah Billups

Repeat after me, “I need some me time.” Needing me time is oftentimes reactionary and comes as a result of needing space to deal after having a bad day, a week, a month, or even a year. Truth is, if we treat other relationships the way some of us treat our relationships with ourselves, I’m certain our counterparts would be over us. Why do we make everything else a priority over the most important relationship we’ll ever have? Up until now, we didn’t realize how important it is to have a healthy relationship with self. Everything hinges on it.

How does my relationship with myself impact other relationships?

Being good with your day one, YOU, is always relevant, everything comes back to this fundamental relationship. Every healthy relationship eventually ties back to how our relationship is with the person we see in the mirror everyday. Experts on this topic have weighed in and their input on a healthy relationship always includes behaviors like communication, understanding, and prioritizing what’s important, among other things.

Being able to effectively communicate your needs, desires, and feelings with others requires you, yourself, to know what you want, what your boundaries are, what your worth is, and that you are deserving of the space and opportunity to share how you feel. To understand these things about ourselves, we need to know ourselves and the only way to do that is to have a strong connection with who we are. To create this strong connection, we have to spend more meaningful time with ourselves.

How can I improve my relationship with myself?

It’s not a matter of when or how we know we need to work on our relationship with ourselves, it’s more of a question of where am I at in this journey with myself and what new things can I incorporate to make my relationship with myself more secure. Here are some tips that’ll take you far in cultivating a better relationship with yourself.

Talk nice to yourself

Rethink the way you talk to yourself, talk about yourself and motivate yourself. Ensure that your inner dialogue and the way you think about your presence and desires is uplifting and aspirational and never harsh and destructive. For example, we probably have all done something that we later came to think wasn’t the best idea and we might say to ourselves, “that was stupid of me.” This might seem small, but it isn’t. Moments and thoughts like these make up our dialogue with ourselves. If left unchecked, our conversation with ourselves will leave us feeling everything short of uplifted and empowered.

Care for yourself

Take good care of yourself. All great relationships require an investment of resources like time and effort. For example, make an effort to carefully select what you consume mentally, physically, and emotionally on a regular basis. Pay serious attention to the foods you eat, exercise, and use of toxic-free products.

Create space to pour into yourself with things that make you feel good like connecting with nature, and indulging in bubble baths and spa treatments of your choosing.

For care and relaxation at home, try bath bombs by Jacq’s Organics.

Photo via BLK + GRN

Express yourself

Try journaling. Journaling fosters gratitude, helps with healing, and promotes growth. Take time to write down your thoughts on a daily basis. This will give you the opportunity to express yourself.

Personal development

Make it a habit to identify opportunities for improvement within yourself and how you live. Think about how you can grow as an individual. Pace yourself, this will be an ongoing practice.


Take steps towards building more self-awareness. This means bringing your attention inward and acknowledging what you are experiencing. You can start to cultivate awareness by regularly giving yourself time to be alone. You may also consider yoga, mediation, or a form of martial arts to help build your awareness.

You can use candles, incense, oils, and/or soothing nature sounds to create a comfortable space for moments of relaxation and stillness. Placing candles like the Lemongrass Organic Coconut Wax Candle by Choiselle throughout your home or space can create an environment where you can clear your mind, reflect, and recharge. This lemongrass candle is formulated to help refresh the mind.

Photo via BLK + GRN

Prioritize yourself

Making yourself a priority isn’t selfish. It’s necessary! Ensuring that your needs are fulfilled gives you the capacity to do more and to show up for yourself in many ways. When we don’t prioritize ourselves, at some point, we run out of energy and all areas of our lives are affected.

Relationships vary. And while we can all agree on a handful of the fundamentals to having a solid relationship with ourselves (or others) there are countless ways to nurture our connection to ourselves. No matter where you are in your journey, we all need a little nudge and reminder to love on us first.

What are some impactful ways that you like to nurture your relationship with yourself?